Why Some People Dont Have Patience for Reading
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What is patience? I like to first with the dictionary. "Patience: the chapters to have or tolerate delay, difficulty, or annoyance without getting angry or upset." I don't know anyone whose life is gratis of these three. In fact, I tin't recall a single day in my ain life when at least one of them didn't make an appearance.
For many years, my reaction to the presence of whatsoever one of the three was to get "angry"—or at least "upset." And so I realized that this response served only to make an already stressful and unpleasant situation worse. So I began making a conscious try to respond to "delay, difficulty, or annoyance" differently. Sometimes the best I could do was "tolerate" their presence. But I kept at it and, with practice, I became better able to "accept" them open-heartedly as an inevitable part of life.
When I could do this—tolerate and sometimes even accept delay, difficulty, or annoyance—I noticed two things. Start, being patient is a way of treating myself with compassion. Compassion is the human activity of reaching out to those who are suffering—including ourselves. I definitely suffer when I'm impatient because a lack of patience is a stress response to whatever is going on in my life. I can feel the stress in both my mind and my body. Then, cultivating patience is a way of taking care of myself, which is the essence of self-pity.
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Second, I noticed that existence patient gave rise to a feeling of equanimity—a calmness of listen that makes it easier to ride life's ups and downs without being tossed about similar a boat in a tempest. Seeing the correlation betwixt patience and enhanced self-compassion and equanimity convinced me of the value of this practice. I thought, "Hmm. Less suffering and stress, coupled with more calm credence of life every bit it is…sounds proficient." Here's how I recommend that yous undertake the practice of patience. (Note: This is an approach to transforming thoughts and emotions that I fix out more than fully in my books, How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow and How to Alive Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide)
1. Recognize that impatience has arisen.
This may not be easy at beginning. When things aren't going our way (for case, we're stuck in traffic), we tend to recall that the crusade of our impatience is external to us—what'south going on "out there." Merely, of course, the crusade is what's going on in our own minds—that is, our response to whatever circumstances we're facing. So start past setting the intention to picket for impatience arising in your own listen as a response to not getting what you want right away.
Yous may know some of your triggers already: being put on hold for a long time; getting stuck in a long line; struggling to figure out a estimator problem; facing an extended look at the dr.'s function; having to mind to someone take what seems to exist an interminably long time to explain something simple (this final one being a trait of mine that tests my ain family unit'south patience!).
Notice how impatience arises when nosotros're not getting our way—specifically, when people or our environment aren't conforming to our expectations, fifty-fifty in circumstances over that nosotros have no control (for instance, the flow of traffic or the length of a line). Our expectations are often out of synch with reality. I can retrieve of four ways in which this is truthful, and all iv can be triggers for impatience.
First, we tend to await the environment to conform to our expectations: no traffic jams; no absenteeism of parking spaces well-nigh our destination; no long lines; no airdrome delays; no waiting too long for food to make it at a restaurant.
Second, we tend to look people to accommodate to our expectations. They ought to behave the way we recall they should behave. "That woman ahead of me in the bank check-out line should non exist making small talk with the cashier." "If he said he'd phone at iii:00, he should telephone at 3:00." Even if nosotros're "right" (it is polite, later all, to call at the fourth dimension you say you lot will), the fact remains that people oftentimes don't live up to our expectations.
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Third, our expectations are often unrealistic when it comes to mastering new skills, whether it'southward taking upwardly a new craft or figuring out a new computer application or learning a new practise-information technology-yourself prepare-it skill. We retrieve we should be able to master new skills quickly, no matter how strange or difficult they are to us.
4th, our expectations are about always unrealistic when it comes to what goes on in our minds. We retrieve nosotros should be able to command what thoughts and what emotions arise. Just unwelcome thoughts and emotions pop upward all the time. Information technology's the nature of the mind to recall and to emote; in my experience, there's no stopping it. Certainly being impatient doesn't put a terminate to information technology!
Retrieve about these four categories of expectations and see if you lot tin can pinpoint which ones yous tend to be unrealistic nigh in your own life. This lone tin assist you recognize when you're responding with impatience.
2. Investigate how impatience feels in your mind and in your torso.
Allowing yourself to really feel the impatience is a major step toward accepting its presence. This is important because, in my experience, I tin can't brainstorm to transform a stressful mental state until I accept that I'm caught up in it. And then, work on becoming well-acquainted with how impatience feels. Is your mind calm or agitated? Is your body relaxed or tensed? I accept yet to feel impatience as pleasant in either my mind or my trunk. And the realization that it feels unpleasant helps motivate me to try and change the way I respond when I'm faced with "delay, difficulty, or annoyance"—our 3 friends from the dictionary definition.
iii. Brainstorm to transform impatience into patience.
This takes practice—patient exercise. And because patience is an human action of cocky-compassion, I hope you lot'll care for yourself with compassion over your inability to be patient at times. That said, here are some strategies to aid transform impatience into patience.
Let'due south start with those times when the environment or people aren't conforming to your expectations: for instance, yous're stuck in a traffic jam. Kickoff, find that you're responding with impatience. Second, pay attention to how it feels in your mind and in your body. And then ask yourself: "Is there anything I can do to change the situation without making matters worse for myself or others?" If the respond is "no" (which it nearly e'er will exist), so see if yous can observe what I'll call "the good" in the situation. By this I mean, begin to focus on something pleasant or interesting while you're waiting.
This is a mindfulness exercise, meaning you're making a witting choice—backed up by effort—to pay attending to everything that's going on in your field of sensation. When I experience impatience ascend, I can almost always discover something in my present moment experience that arouses my curiosity or interest. This allows me to respond, not in "anger" or "upset" to what'southward going on, but instead, with patience.
In a traffic jam, it might exist checking out the dissimilar makes and models and ages of the cars on the road; information technology might be kickoff to chat with another person in the car; it might be finding a radio station to listen to. If I'g in a long check-out line, it might exist noticing with amusement the ridiculous headlines on those sensationalist magazines that sit in racks at the cashier stand; it might be looking at the people around me—how everyone looks different and has a whole life story of their own that I know nothing about; information technology might fifty-fifty be eavesdropping on the content of the chatter that's holding me upward!
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In fact, I try to cultivate friendliness toward those chatterers—to enjoy how they're enjoying each other'southward company. Subsequently all, what's some other minute or ii in line? If like me, you lot take trouble standing for long, you tin can await for something to lean on or have a wide stance with your legs and so you're amend balanced. Sometimes I bring a cane.
My point is that, aye, our start choice may be to found a "no traffic jam on the freeway" dominion and a "no chatting at the check-out counter" directive, just virtually of the fourth dimension in life, we don't get our starting time choice. When this happens, if the alternatives are to get upset and angry versus finding a way to make the feel enjoyable, or at least tolerable, I know which one feels amend to me.
And so nosotros accept those unrealistic expectations about mastering new skills. That expectation partially stems from our cultural conditioning to hurry hurry bustle no matter what nosotros're doing. Nonetheless, if we were to go on more slowly and patiently, not simply would nosotros enjoy ourselves more, but nosotros're likely to do a better task of mastering the skill in question.
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Finally, almost those unrealistic expectations that we should exist able to command our minds. Instead of getting impatient ("upset" or "angry") well-nigh what arises in our minds, can we piece of work on belongings unwelcome thoughts and emotions more lightly—even sometimes with humour over the mind'south unruliness? Doing this is a empathetic response to what arises in the listen. In my new book, How to Wake Upwards, I quote a passage from one of the start Buddhist books I ever read, Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. He said this about the mind:
[Sometime] you will come up face up to face with the sudden and shocking realization that y'all are completely crazy. Your heed is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels barreling pell-mell down the loma, utterly out of control and hopeless. No problem.
I love this quotation for two reasons. Offset, I find information technology reassuring to know that I'k not lone in having a shrieking, gibbering, madhouse on wheels for a mind. Second, Bhante says, "No problem." I have "no trouble" to mean that I can acquire to be patient with this "crazy" heed. I tin can learn not to get upset and angry when unwelcome thoughts and emotions arise, but instead, to calmly accept their presence, knowing that with time the universal law of impermanence will help me out. Conditions will change, and then will my mind.
Nosotros can transform impatience into patience. It'southward well worth the effort considering being patient is a way of treating ourselves with compassion and information technology also helps us calmly accept things as they are, and that always feels proficient.
© 2013 Toni Bernhard. My newest book, How to Be Sick: Your Pocket Companion is available now!
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/turning-straw-gold/201305/impatient-why-and-how-practice-patience
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